Love isn’t love unless the object receiving the love feels it.
Ever heard that old saying, “Actions speak louder than words?” I have found this to be so true in my marriage. My wife can attest to the fact that I am constantly telling her how much I love her. And I do, with all my heart! With time, however, I’ve found that unless I love her in the way she needs to be loved, my proclamations never seem to go as far as I would hope. It’s not that she’s got some sort of hang up, it’s just that we have both learned that the effort behind our words are so much deeper than the words themselves. If I look at my wife and tell her I love her, but then I never help around the house, never listen to her and only talk about issues in my world, what kind of signal does that send? Certainly not a one of love. If anything, it shows that I love myself more than I love her.
Love GIVES. Love is SACRIFICIAL. “Greater love has no man than this: that he lay down his life for his friends.” – John 15:13
That verse is just talking about your friends. How much more so your spouse or future spouse?
Last weekend my wife was sick as a dog. We have a 3 month old, so understandably we had to quarantine my wife. Now let me tell you, it was the first time in our marriage that I wasn’t able to take care of my bride when she needed me. It was TOUGH, but I did what I had to do to keep our baby away from the house. I had the ENTIRE weekend to figure it out by myself. And for the record, men are not very good at this whole multitasking thing. Women are amazing!
So, it shouldn’t be too surprising when I tell you that by the second night I was pretty wiped. The baby was in her bassinet, and I just wanted to crash. But I remembered those wise words from an old professor of mine: “Love isn’t love unless the object receiving the love feels it.” So with heavy eyes and a convicted heart, I got up, went into our closet and wrote a note to my bride. I tried to make it as creative as possible. [You may start rolling your eyes here.] Okay, so for starters, I wrote it in cursive. Sure, go ahead and laugh. I’ll admit, I did as well, considering that I haven’t tried it since the 3rd grade. But I knew my wife would love it… all in the name of love right?! I also tried to make it sound like one of those old love letters from WWII, so I splashed some old English in there. Yeah. So maybe this was all FAR more romantic in my mind than once executed, but give a guy some credit.
Obviously I couldn’t take it to her, so I had to up my creativity a bit more. I ended up taking a picture of it on my iPad, filtering it until it looked like a super old piece of parchment, and texted it to her. In the end, it didn’t heal her. It didn’t even make her cry. BUT it did do one very important thing: She went to bed FEELING loved. She was sad because she was away from her baby and husband, and definitely needed the encouragement. Originally, she would have gone to bed knowing she was loved… and there is nothing wrong with that. But because of the smallest of effort and sacrifice from me, she went to bed feeling loved. That is so much better.
I guess my encouragement to any of you who haven’t died from the cheesiness is to just keep up the little things. No matter what the status your of your relationship, remember that true love is sacrificial. Love gives. And the coolest thing is that the more you sacrifice, the more you will gain. As a man, I know that it starts with me. I will reap what I sow.
So I’ll keep writing love letters.
Thoughts? Leave a comment below.